Like most of modern society having monogamy as the default form of relationships, cricket insists that each team play just one wicketkeeper at a time. Below are the relationship statuses of various national teams and their ‘keepers.
Australia Men:
Until last August, Alex Carey finally felt settled as Australia’s one and only. Before that, he really stepped up when he was there for Australia through their awful breakup with Tim Paine where Paine was caught sending unsolicited dick pics. Even when he embarrassingly fell into a pool in front of Australia and their mates, Australia insisted it only made him cuter.
But since a run-in with England’s partner Bairstow (it really seemed like it said more about Bairstow than Carey, to be fair) and a strange episode where Carey was accused of not paying for a haircut, things have been less clear with Australia. There’s been a lot of chat about how Australia really likes spending time with their “work husband” Josh Inglis, and Carey wonders if there isn’t more going on behind the scenes.
England Men:
As recently as March 2023, England was with the handsome, devoted, reliable, sensible, and handsome Ben Foakes. They even said that Foakes was the best partner in the world! Sure, he’s a bit quiet, but he’s obviously a laugh and they can easily see a future with him. So, what does England do? They dump him to get back with their ex, of course.
Never mind that the reason they broke up with Jonny Bairstow was because they agreed they were better off as friends, or that Bairstow loses his temper easily when he gets criticised. Apparently the most important part of a relationship is both being very into golf.
Australia Women:
Australia’s been with their high school sweetheart Alyssa Healy for ages now. They’ve both enjoyed watching each other grow up and their relationship is stronger than ever, recently making things official.
However, Australia would be lying if they said they’d never wondered what things would be like if they’d never met Healy and gotten together with Beth Mooney instead. Healy is aware of this (not that she and Australia had ever really talked about this, of course), but she’d feel much more threatened if Mooney wasn’t so lovely. If anything, the fact that Australia is surrounded by so many amazing people reflects well on them.
India Men:
Rishabh Pant was in many ways the dream partner – always full of ideas for fun activities while making sure all the bills are paid on time, as able to impress India’s parents as he did their friends. Sadly, that relationship had to end and India has to move on.
Like many at the end of a long and happy relationship, India has found that none of their options are up to scratch, mainly because they’re not Rishabh. They think KS Bharat is dull, they don’t like how Ishan Kishan goes out partying, and now they’re settling for an ex who calls himself “King Legend”. At the end of the day, India just needs to pick someone they like and let them be who they are.
England Women:
England might not realise it, but they’ve also been wistfully pining over their old flame Sarah Taylor, which could be why they’re not enthused by current partner Amy Jones. There’s nothing really all that wrong with Jones, but they feel like they’re in a bit of a rut and have been occasionally asking themselves “is this the best I can do?”
Every now and then, they think about getting back with their ex Lauren Winfield-Hill (who has been smashing it abroad), or maybe asking out the new girl Bess Heath. But it won’t change the fact that the best they had was Taylor, and it’s hard to take that she won’t be coming back.
Pakistan Men:
Pakistan has always been a people-pleaser, especially when it comes to listening to their friends’ opinions on who they should be dating. Some of Pakistan’s friends want them to be with the mature if a little sloppy Sarfaraz Ahmed, while other friends prefer the exciting but erratic Mohammad Rizwan. Pakistan has ended up switching back and forth between the two over the past few years, to the pleasure of absolutely no one.
In reality, Pakistan just needs to get real with themself – they should be with who they want to be with, not who their friends want. It’s their life and their relationship, after all.
South Africa Men:
Kyle Verreyne has had a topsy-turvy last 12 months with South Africa. He’d been there when South Africa were shockingly dumped by the love of their life Quinton de Kock, supported South Africa when things got hard overseas and was one of very few parts of South Africa’s life that was going right.
Then, all of a sudden, South Africa’s dad steps in to tell them that their relationship is over and that South Africa will be with Heinrich Klaasen instead! He didn’t think this kind of thing still happened. Just as suddenly, South Africa knocked on Verreyne’s door, admitting they were wrong, and asked if he would come back. Verreyne said yes, but will always be looking over his shoulder.
By Adhitya Sutresna
Cricket Described 